You’re trying to help. Your parent is getting older, the house is too big, and everyone agrees it’s probably time to make a move. But somewhere between the first conversation and the closing table, deals can collapse over pricing disputes, title issues, or family disagreements – and it usually happens in ways families never see coming.
Bryan Devore, lead real estate agent at Devore Realty Group and Director of the Senior Division at Berkshire Hathaway HomeServices California Properties in San Diego, has spent more than two decades helping seniors and their families navigate exactly this situation. He’s seen the deals that go smoothly and the ones that fall apart. Most of the time, the problems aren’t about the house. They’re about the people.
“The goals of the family members don’t always line up with the goals of the senior,” Devore says. Here are the most common mistakes families make – and how to avoid them.
Adult children often come into the process with a plan already formed – sell the house, move to a community, done. But the senior may have a completely different vision, and if no one stops to ask, the sale can stall for months or fall through entirely.
Devore sees it from both directions. Sometimes the family is pushing a move that the senior doesn’t want. Other times, the senior is ready to sell, and the kids are the ones saying “stay put” – sometimes because they’re hoping to inherit the property.
The fix is simple: start with a real conversation about what the senior wants, not what seems logical to everyone else. The senior is the client. Their goals come first.
Selling a home someone has lived in for 30 years isn’t a transaction – it’s a life change. Families sometimes treat it like a logistics problem when it’s actually an emotional one.
Devore notes that many seniors feel overwhelmed by the prospect of sorting through decades of belongings while managing a sale. Pushing too hard or moving too fast can cause a senior to shut down entirely, even when the move would genuinely improve their quality of life.
Allow at least several weeks for sorting and decision-making before any listing date is set. Acknowledge that it’s hard. Consider bringing in a senior move manager, a therapist, or a patient real estate advisor – so the family isn’t carrying it all alone.
Many seniors have homes that are structurally solid but visually dated. Families sometimes push to list quickly without considering how buyers will react to original 1980s kitchens and worn carpet.
In San Diego’s current market, buyers expect move-in ready. A dated home at a fair price can still sit for weeks while updated homes nearby draw multiple offers. Before listing, ask an agent for a realistic comparison: what the home will likely sell for as-is versus after cosmetic upgrades such as fresh paint, new flooring, and updated fixtures.
Here’s the part families often don’t know: some programs let sellers complete renovations and pay for them only after the home closes. No upfront cost, no living through construction. If the senior has already moved, they don’t even have to be there for it.
If a parent passes away without a will or trust in place, the home doesn’t automatically transfer to the family. It goes through probate – a court-supervised legal process that can take six months to over a year and adds court filings, attorney approvals, and mandatory waiting periods to what would otherwise be a standard sale.
Even when a trust exists, families sometimes discover it wasn’t set up correctly or hasn’t been updated in years. These issues don’t make a sale impossible, but they do make it significantly slower – often adding three to six months to the timeline – and require additional legal coordination.
The move to make here is early: consult an estate attorney before you need one. And if you’re working with a real estate agent on a probate sale, make sure they have specific experience with the process. Devore notes that mistakes in probate transactions can cause deals to unravel entirely, because courts require strict procedural compliance.
Families get focused on the selling side and forget to think through the landing spot. In San Diego’s general housing market, inventory is tight – less than three months of supply. If a senior sells their home without a clear next step, they can find themselves scrambling.
The 55-plus community market in San Diego has slightly more inventory than the general market, giving buyers in that segment more time and negotiating room. Communities in areas like Rancho Bernardo and North County coastal Oceanside have options available. But the best units in the most desirable communities can go under contract within two to three weeks of listing.
Begin researching senior living options – or the next home – at least 60 to 90 days before the current house goes on the market. Knowing where you’re going makes the whole process less stressful and prevents rushed decisions on the back end.
Helping a parent sell their home is one of the most meaningful things a family can do – and one of the easiest to get wrong. The families who handle it best are the ones who slow down, listen to the senior, and consult an agent, estate attorney, and senior living advisor well before the listing goes live.
“At the end of the day, I want to be sure they know what options are available,” Devore says. “Because if they don’t know, they’re not going to do anything.” Knowledge is the first step. Everything else follows.
About the Expert: Bryan Devore is the lead agent at Devore Realty Group and Director of the Senior Division at Berkshire Hathaway HomeServices California Properties, with nearly 23 years of experience in San Diego real estate. He leads a team of six agents and coordinates a network of approximately 58 senior real estate specialists spanning San Diego to Santa Barbara.
This article is intended for informational purposes only and does not constitute legal, financial, or investment advice. The views and opinions expressed herein reflect those of the individuals quoted and do not represent an endorsement of any company, product, or service mentioned. Readers should conduct their own due diligence and consult qualified professionals before making any investment decisions.
Explore similar articles from Our Team of Experts.
“We want to be the Four Seasons and the Ritz Carlton instead of the motel,” says Ting Qiao, CEO and Founder of Wan Bridge Group, describing his vision for the company’s rol...
